“Be the person you needed when you were younger.” – Unknown
I define myself as a romantic. I’ve been dreaming of my “other half” since the first middle school dance, since the first time I heard 98 Degrees sing “I Do (Cherish You),” but I must confess, I’ve been flying solo, and, I’m beginning to see the extraordinarily magnificent light in embracing this untypical voyage.
You know what else?
I think I have more passengers and company than I thought when I used to think that this “single” label somehow made me less of a woman, less of a human being.
I truly believe we were all placed here on this Earth to connect with others and shine our unique array of colours with passion, beauty and such power that the Earth shakes and people are moved, inspired and lifted from the greatest depths in their personal struggles.
Stand tall and define yourself
“Be the person you needed when you were younger” is a profound quote for me, personally, because I spent those younger years only wanting to fit in and find someone who thought I was beautiful and wanted and needed to spend their time with me.
The person I am today, though, is shining all by myself and making a difference through this sensitive and deeply feeling soul I’ve been given. If I could, I would stand tall before my younger self and tell her to stop seeking approval from others. I would reinforce the idea that there’s something great and unique inside of her because of all the empathy that she feels for others. There are miles that only she can walk, and changes that only she can make.
The popular view of life shows everyone paired up and having children, the traditional trajectory. If you’re single, you’re told to discover who you are because then the right person will find you, but what about finding who you are to set your passion ablaze for as many people possible—your family, your friends and strangers who need to witness how much one person can do? Why does this necessarily have to be for one person, for you to be defined?
Now, I am not saying that we shouldn’t want someone, that “other half,” but what I can’t emphasize enough is that you are complete, just you. You are a total being who has many purposes outside of the people you unite with, and the world needs each and every one of you.
I believe that nothing can replace that intimate and deeply connected love, but I don’t know if that’s necessarily meant to happen for every being on this Earth. Do I still hope for that person? Of course. But I am learning to not see myself as being less if that person never comes my way.
I believe we were all put here for unique purposes, and some of us may have been put here to be pushed into our destiny by not necessarily combining with one other person. Maybe my person is already in Heaven. Who knows? All I do know for sure is that we are meant to live our lives as they are, in the moment, and there is so much to your person individually.
The solo bloom
Have you ever seen how beautiful a single rose or tulip blooming is? It doesn’t flourish less because it’s by itself. In fact, oftentimes, the colour shows even more brightly. You see its shape more, and how rooted in strength the flower is.
Similarly, you alone are romance, intimate love, style, passion, light and beauty. You are luminescent on your own!
Where do your individual colours dwell?
My fellow souls on this solo flight, here are some ideas for how to embrace exactly who you are:
- Make a list of what you enjoy creating, watching and reading when no one else is around.
- Write down the dialogue of people who have loved and cared for you, what they have said about you that reminds you of how special you undoubtedly are.
- Collect moments and pictures into a scrapbook of people, pets (of course), places and events that hold great meaning for you, no matter what changes in your life.
- Journal about all that you have overcome and the character that has developed because of those more difficult times in your life.
- Put together two columns in a notebook. On one side, write down the characteristics of people you admire. In the other column, write down the characteristics you love about yourself.
- Give yourself alone time to just be with your own thoughts. Listen to a favourite CD, take a walk in nature, go to a favourite museum or place of interest.
- Take a chance on what lights up your spirit. In other words, don’t wait to pursue what you are passionate about. Explore! You are not just one thing or talent. You are not limited.
Pursue your dreams
When I think about the limited nature of all I wanted when I was younger, and up until pretty recently, to be completely honest, I think about how much of a straight line my life would have been if I had gotten everything that I wanted right when I wanted it.
I wouldn’t have necessarily found what made me personally shine. I wouldn’t feel this great quest to channel my empathy into writing and art. I wouldn’t be connecting with some of the brightest spirits I have ever met through writing these pieces out to all of you.
I wish for you all to see the beauty in yourself and to understand that no matter how long you’re single, that doesn’t affect how bright and fulfilling your life can and should be. I wish for you to take the hand of your younger self and smile, knowing that you are absolutely beautiful and full of greatness that is only waiting for you to pursue each and every one of your dreams. You never know who may be looking up to you and who may be inspired by the path that you alone are forging.
Each and every one of you is irreplaceable and remarkable in your own right. Please rewire your thoughts if you are feeling less than that in any way, by reminding yourself of how truly special you are on a daily basis.
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